Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
