There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how do flat chested girls get laid?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
