# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
