Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
