I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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