I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You ruined the universe
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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