Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I would ride that face into the sunset
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