apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
