I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
