does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
last night I used snow as a chaser
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
