Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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