Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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