Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
