Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
