so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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