A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
