Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
