You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
