Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is wine microwaveable?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
