I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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