I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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