Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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