At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
