there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i believe in u and ur pee
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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