I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
