my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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