Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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