I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
time to smoke my breakfast
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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