i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she told me i tasted like america
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
