Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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