This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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