he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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