i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
