I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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