oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
