My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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