I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The adults are the big ones right?
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