Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize