smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize