I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
