A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
