frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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