I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize