I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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