the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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