Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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