If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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