shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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