Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
