This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
