Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
