I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
