Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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