hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
