At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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