im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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