Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
