I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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