There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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